Model, mom of two.

A couple of years ago, I had a truly disturbing moment in my life. My body was in trouble. A breathtaking danger. We’re used to seeing it as the end. Well… I feel like I haven’t fully accepted it yet, because it’s hard to even write the word.

I was at a photo shoot, and during my lunch break, I decided to quickly check my blood work results. I opened my electronic medical records, and then I realized what it meant to “not believe my eyes.”

“Breast cancer” was glaring at me in bold letters. I thought, hmm, cancer. Maybe it’s cancer, but not cancer? Or some other kind of cancer? Maybe I’m misunderstanding something; I should check with a doctor I know.

I think it wasn’t even fear, but shock. I had always felt perfectly healthy, confident that my body could handle anything and that this definitely wouldn’t happen to me. But life had other plans.

I don’t know how I made it through that day — in my thoughts I was already dying, wondering who would take care of my children, how they would cope with their mother gone, who would bear the burden of everything that would come after my death.

My face was pale, my gaze distant, I was very introspective. But in my photo shoot that day I needed to show happiness and joy. I don’t remember the details of that day. I think I failed that shoot though.

A phone conversation with my sister later that day brought me back. I was crying and laughing nervously. There’s no other way to describe it.

A week after the surgery, I went to a photo shoot for work. That’s how my new life began. At first, I couldn’t figure out why I needed this experience; what was I supposed to get out of this? Now I feel I understand that my life is so different, so much more precious somehow. Yes, we’ve all been given this life, but we must pay special attention and cherish it. We can be whatever we want, desire, do, and choose whatever path we want, but we can’t do any of it without a body.

And if we are given a body, then we should probably take advantage of this opportunity, this life, and do everything we can to advance our souls toward the highest meaning. That’s how I see it.

For me it’s pretty clear now and it doesn’t require any additional discussion.

So I want to say this to anyone reading this:

Dear beautiful people! Our body is our instrument, without which everything else loses meaning. Or rather, it becomes impossible. Therefore, I strive for the opportunity to stay here a little longer, to do important things for myself, my loved ones, and, God willing, for someone else.

Some might not think it was not a supportive thing to say at all, but it was the best support for me!!! You see, she allowed me to die, and I allowed myself to die! Without feeling guilty. It’s funny, yes, to feel guilty about the possibility of dying. But I really did feel it.

This conversation brought me back to reality—not to philosophical reflection, but to real action.

Then there were various treatments, surgery, radiation therapy, and so on.

And you know, angels, God, or some other higher powers — I don’t know who — but they guided me through all of this ever so gently. It was surprisingly a pretty seamless and smooth process. At least that’s how I felt.

And I’ve heard a lot about what it can be like when you have to undergo a bunch of expensive tests and examinations, you’re being pushed around, scared and stressed. That the doctors can be insensitive, simply because they see it every day and they’re completely unconcerned that it’s your life and you could die.